Male Figure Skater Accused of Asexual Assault

Top-ranked men's figure skater Blaine Bradley was accused by a former assistant today of asexual assault in a civil lawsuit filed in Las Vegas.
Sheila Watson, who worked for six months last year as Bradley’s accountant, claims the skater’s blatantly asexual attire, attitude and manner of speaking caused her great mental anguish, discomfort and confusion.
“My client would have filed criminal charges of asexual assault,” claimed Watson’s attorney, Jeffrey White. “But for some reason asexual assault is not a criminal offense in this state or anywhere in the country. So a civil case of asexual assault it is.”
Bradley did not respond to the charges, but authorized his attorney to release a statement:
“At no time did Blaine Bradley asexually assault this woman. These charges are ridiculous and without merit. Blaine dresses in an androgynous manner so he can appeal to everyone, not push people away – and definitely not to assault anyone. If Ms. Watson is uncomfortable with fabulousness, that’s her problem, not my client’s. In fact, Blaine found Ms. Watson’s drab, matronly garb disappointing and unsettling, but you don’t see us calling the fashion police.”
Despite the distraction, Bradley plans to compete later this month in the Skate Detroit competition.
“I have nothing to say about these accusations,” he said. “I will let my spins and my sequins do the talking for me.”