Jackie Robinson Posthumously Tests Positive For Steroids

Baseball was rocked again today with the report that another beloved figure in the game has been linked to steroids — this time the tainted legend being former Dodgers star Jackie Robinson.
The commissioner's office has yet to comment on the report, but Bud Selig is said to be taking this latest steroids news especially hard, as Robinson was a personal hero of his and the commissioner recently retired Robinson's No. 42 throughout all of baseball for his efforts in breaking the sport's color barrier.
But now it seems Robinson broke several ethical boundaries, as well. At a recent sports memorabilia auction, a bidder purchased several of the second baseman's old uniforms. When he took the items home, he found curious substances in the pants pockets.
"On a whim I had them tested," said the buyer, Mark Looper of Los Angeles. "And sure enough, they were steroids. Very rudimentary steroids."
It seems Robinson, desperate to prove racists and doubters wrong and show that he could succeed in major league baseball, used contacts he had in UCLA's chemistry department to help him develop an anabolic steroid — a steroid which several former teammates who wish to remain anonymous say Robinson took throughout his career.
"He saw what he was doing as more than just one man playing baseball," said a former Dodgers teammate. "He was able to justify it pretty easily in his mind that way. It's that way with all cheaters."
"Jackie broke barriers," said another teammate. "He was the first Negro player. And he was the first steroids-using player. I think this actually boosts his legacy. If it wasn't for the Negroes and steroids, baseball would have gone under years ago."
But whether right or wrong, the sport now has perhaps its biggest scandal yet.
"Maybe this is a good thing," said current Dodgers manager Joe Torre. "It can help us move past this era. Jackie Robinson did steroids, A-Rod did steroids, Manny did steroids. Everyone did them. It's no big deal. Hell, I did them for a few years just to try to fit in with and relate to my players on the Yankees."