Benches Clear Over Mouse

The benches cleared during last night's Pirates-Brewers game after several Pirates saw a tiny, white mouse scurry along the back wall of the dugout, sending the team screaming and yelping to the center of the field.
"Aaaaaah! Ohmigod! A mouse! A mouse! Eeek! A mouse!" yelled Pittsburgh first baseman Adam LaRoche, pushing several teammates out of the way as he ran out of the dugout. "I hate mice! They're so … so … little. And gross!"
LaRoche was the first to spot the critter, but when his other teammates saw it, they, too, fled for the safety of the field.
"Ohhhh … I'm so freaked out right now," said catcher Ryan Doumit, hopping up and down and waving his arms. "I can't use any of my stuff anymore! What the mice has been all over my catcher's gear? Those things carry diseases, you know?"
After the Pirates fled onto the field, the visiting Brewers ran out of their dugout, too.
"Mouse! Mouse! Mouse!" shrieked Prince Fielder. "Get out of here! If they have mice, then they're definitely in our dugout! Mouse! Run!"
Fielder was soon joined out on the field with the rest of his teammates, were they clutched the Pirates players for comfort, waiting for the all-clear.
But it never came.
"Get back in the dugouts, you pansies," said umpire John Hirshbeck. "It's only a mouse. We're not delaying the game for a freaking mouse."
"Sure, easy for you to say," said LaRoche, beginning to weep. "You don't have to be in the dugout with those … those … terrors!"


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