“...darned funny stuff...hilarious...dare...the” - On Frozen Blog

“...I am laughing so hard that I can barely breathe...of...has...are” - Sports Frog

“...great for beaches...moderately pleasing for fishing...poor for spelunking” – Cracked

“...The best $12.95 you will ever spend on a DJ Gallo book...” - Mondesi’s House

“...our staff recommends...” - Kissing Suzy Kolber
[Heh. They said “staff.”]

“Eeeeeeee! Eeeeeeee! Get it! Get it! Ohmigod! Ohmigod!” Alex Rodriguez yelled to his 2-year-old daughter this morning when he spotted a spider on the kitchen floor, taking off down the hall to lock himself in the bathroom. “Eeeeeeee!”
Rodriguez’s day only got worse, though, when he realized his terrified dash to safety had reinjured his quadriceps strain, which had put him on the disabled list.
“The doctor told me I wasn’t ready for running yet,” said Rodriguez. “And I was following those directions. But I didn’t expect there to be spiders. Eeeeeeee! There’s another one! Eeeeeeee!”

As the horse racing industry warily prepares for another leg of the Triple Crown this weekend at the Preakness Stakes, those still reeling from the injury to Eight Belles at the Kentucky Derby can take solace in the site of heavenly, horsey angels already waiting at the finish line in Baltimore to usher home all the steeds who die on Saturday.
“It makes me feel better about riding these animals around and whipping them,” said jockey Timmy McGee, “knowing that if they break down, God’s horsey angels are waiting to fly them up to horsey heaven where they will eat fresh hay and mount hot mares for all eternity, never to be whipped or forced to run again.”
Others see the angels as fulfilling horsey prophecy.
“This is a sign that Barbaro will soon return and call all true believers to horsey heaven,” said horse fan Sheila Myers, “where we can ride him and whip him forever and ever.”

Tuesday’s meeting between NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and former Patriots employee Matt Walsh came to a bloody and gruesome end when Goodell beat Walsh to death with a VHS tape – the St. Louis Rams’ Super Bowl walkthrough tape that had been missing.
[FULL STORY]

“Acc-urate-ly ra-ted!” Boom-boom, boom-boom-boom. “Acc-urate-ly ra-ted!” Boom-boom, boom-boom-boom. The chants rained down on LeBron James in Game 2 of the Eastern Conference semifinals in Boston.
“LeBron didn’t play great here, but he is definitely one of the top three to top five players in the league, just as everyone says,” said Celtics fan John Matthews. “I’d say he is quite accurately rated,” he added, before joining in again with the chants.
James said he heard the Boston fans and can appreciate being accurately rated.
“They are savvy basketball fans here,” he said. “I am neither underrated or overrated. That’s nice. That’s what I prefer. I can just go out and play my game without trying to prove myself worthy of the attention or trying to generate buzz around my name. I am acc-urate-ly ra-ted!”

Because this Tim Tebow circumcising-in-Indonesia story refuses to go away like it’s a bad circumcision scar, I would like to come to the young man’s defense. Remember – Tebow is not the first Heisman winner to circumcise someone. That honor goes to Herschel Walker. You see, one of Walker’s personalities was a moyel and another one was a young, Jewish boy. As you can imagine, the procedure knocked him right out of his altered mental state and into a very real, bloody and excruciating reality.

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